Two Weeks Till Friday (?) welcome to ambivalence.

7Aug/103

Dreaming Deadly

So last night I had a bizarre if not foggy dream. I was attacked by a playground swing set...

It didn't start that way though.

I was working for a government agency. I have no idea which one. There were a series of natural disasters that we're hitting the planet. Floods in Europe. Avalanches in the Rockies. Tornadoes in the prairies. Pretty normal stuff except the death toll was quite high and occurrences were happening concurrently around the globe. To the average joe, tragic but normal. To us in the 'government', we knew it was something different.

There were aliens among us. Bodyless entities that can take the form of natural disasters to slowly scrape down the earth's population. Because these aliens had no physical characteristics of themselves (what we would consider physical), they could influence weather. They can also take over possession of dead people. But they could not actually kill people themselves... I.e. they can't take over the body of a corpse and then use that body to kill another person. They can start a flood that drowns people but technically, in this example, they don't kill humans, water does. Ok, I know this is thin but work with me here... it's a dream.

So we knew this was going on and we didn't know how to stop it. We also didn't know how we could warn people because we weren't sure what we would be warning people to do. "Stay way from floods"? I do remember being somewhat scared. For whatever reason, we felt that as long as we were with another agent, we were safe. I have no idea why. At one particular point, I found myself alone, standing in the middle of a frozen lake. Pretty much alone as you could possibly get. I was about 500 yards from the shore looking back at the cold, grey, single level government building and seeing no one. Complete stillness. There was a vacant playground in front of the building with a typical swing set. Not the new ones with a rubber U shaped seat... but the old ones that had a flat wooden board to sit on (remember those? Am I dating myself?). It was normal one moment, I looked away, then looked back. Half the swing set was missing. I was struck with this eerie sensation knowing I was in a bad place. I then saw it coming for me. The swing set had separated itself... the large upside down V of it's frame had turned into legs and it was running towards me. The other half of the set had inverted itself, turning it's V shape right side up and onto the newly formed legs and acted as it's arms. It had pulled the long wooden seat off it's chains and was now swinging it back and forth like a bat. And it was coming for me so quick. I ran.

All I could think about was running towards other people. Get myself in a public place and maybe this would go away. Maybe I will be protected somehow.

At the far end of the lake and close to one end of the building we're a group of cyclists. Yes, I know I was just on a frozen lake but again, I don't control these dreams... Anyway, I ran as quickly as I could to this group of 100 or so people. I could find protection in the masses somehow. I found myself catching up to and surrounding myself with the group. Looking back I could see the pieces of the swing set scattered along the ground lying still, far back. I was relieved. However, many of the cyclists were already possessed by the alien species and I was a like a fly finding refuge in a spider's web. In moments they were on me. Everything went black.

I woke in a cage. We'll, it felt more like an office cubicle than a cage. But I was captured and with several other people who looked like beaten office workers. I didn't know them but we all knew we were being held by the aliens... guarded by dead humans. One of the captives explained what was going on. They can't kill us but they can wait for us to die. We're the next upgrades as the bodies they currently posses eventually deteriorate. They need constant back up and this way they can keep us in fairly good condition until the time comes when they can assume control. Oddly I remember feeling ok with this. It's in their interest to make sure we aren't damaged. And we know they won't actually kill us. We had time to think of a way out.

Sadly, I don't actually remember the escape. For some reason I think we just 'left' but that doesn't make for a very good story. I guess I could make something up but my subconscious is somewhat more creative than my conscious.

I remember being in a building... the government building and there were lots of activity. Many people, soldiers, running around and yelling. A natural disaster had hit our city and it was tearing everything apart. These non-natural disasters had now covered almost the entire earth's surface. We had no way to fight back. Not against Mother Nature. It was only a matter of time before either the earth was destroyed, or every living being on it. We had nothing.

The furniture in the lobby of the building had been thrown about. I and another woman we're taking shelter behind a leather couch. Windows were smashing. The sky was black illuminated through moments of lightning flashes. An army general stood above us and was yelling out instructions. It was hard to hear above the wind now filling the building. "We're going to get you on a rocket. We need to get the two of you off the planet. Our species depends on it." The general yelled. I knew what he was saying. This was our last hope. Me and the other woman I was with were being asked to leave everything... find a new home... and procreate. The general didn't have to spell this out. It was pretty clear.

At that moment, I can remember thinking how bad I wanted to get away. To leave the planet. To have hope... I turned and looked at the woman crouched beside me and thought...

You really aren't that attractive. Maybe there is someone else more suited to go with me...

Then I woke up.

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28Jul/102

What is happening to my summer?

The weather has finally arrived but who has time to enjoy?? Work has be running my butt off. So much that I had to... vent at a management meeting this morning. It wasn't too bad but I had a small meltdown. This is by far the busiest time of the year. Well, actually, we're busy all year now but the summers are especially crazy. I've got 3 project all on the go and trying to final within the same month. Then 8 weeks later, they will all be going live in the marketplace and with today's online gameplay, we no longer develop, package and ship. Now we develop, package, ship, monitor online service, create downloadable content, post online updates, update rosters, etc... It never stops now. But I digress.

Today at the managers meeting we were discussing yet another new 'initiative' which would require further time and energy. While the idea makes sense, it also made sense that I was the best person suited for the job. Hey, I'm all for new initiatives and maybe working on initiatives is part of my job but i've also GOT A JOB TO DO! I can't keep up. It just gets piled on more and more. I fully acknowledged that maybe I need to go to time management school or something but I had a bit of a conniption when I realized I was being burdened with yet another assignment.

Fortunately my peers found my freak out both entertaining and well founded. For some reason it always seems to be me arguing back at these meetings. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I'm the least able to control my emotions. Normally I have my little spaz attack and halfway through I realize I've gone too far. So I need to only let the genie out of the bottle a little bit. I think I have valid points but sometimes I think I sacrifice what dignity I have left when I let lose.

Regardless. I still have this new assignment to tackle...

For those interested readers, you'll notice that I used the word 'spaz' up above. Apparently, this is a really bad word in some parts of the world (mostly those heavily influenced by Great Britain). I innocently used the word 'spastic' in an email I sent by father in law in Australia. I think he found it both funny and disturbing that I would use such a word. Meanwhile, I was confused by what the fuss was about. So naturally, I googled it. In England, this is almost a swear word. I think we all kind of know what spaz references but in the UK it's 100 times worse than using the 'R' word. You know the 'R' word. It's followed by 'etard'.

Anyway, I cut and paste from Wikipedia.

In American slang, the term "spaz" is largely inoffensive, and is generally understood as a casual word for clumsiness, sometimes associated with over excitement, excessive energy, or hyperactivity.

Ok. So how about the UK?

The current understanding of the word is well-illustrated by a BBC survey in 2003, which found that "spastic" was the second most offensive term in the UK relating to disability (retard was deemed most offensive). In 2007, Lynne Murphy, a linguist at the University of Sussex, described the term as being "one of the most taboo insults to a British ear".

Whoops. I guess the R word followed by "etard" is actually more offensive. I apologize to everyone for using it so very, very often. It's just so fun to say.

Ok, this post is almost over.

I'm going to finish with a couple of game videos.

The first one is called "Limbo". It's an 'arcade' title on the 360 and looks so out of the ordinary and original, I simply must get it. There are thousands of games made every year but when something truly original comes out, it's so refreshing. Actually, it's still a side scrolling adventure game at heart (like Mario) but illustrated so... spooky.

But then again, sometimes originality is overrated. :-) My friend at work who has friends at Dice Studios in Sweden just got me in on their closed beta program for the new Medal Of Honor. Grimoire, I know you're jealous.

19Jul/100

Ready for Class



Jump-Front-B&W-Crop2, originally uploaded by dishevld.


So it took much longer than I was anticipating. I couldn't settle on just 12 images. I think I have just over 20. Some of which are now on flickr.

It's late so I'll talk more about the class later. What I can say now is that I really, really, really dig taking nude photos.

Good night.

18Jul/100

Stay Tuned



Studio-Set-Nude, originally uploaded by dishevld.


So my weekend has comprised of whittling down 200+ photos from my last photo class to 12 decent shots. I thought I was going to have a hard time finding 12 but it's even harder to decide which ones are better than others. That's not saying I have dozens of Life Magazine worthy photos and really deserve to present them all to display my greatness... it's just hard to pick out a few from so many. You certainly start to question your judgement. I try and pretend that it's all about what I like but really? Is that true? Don't we really do what everyone else likes? I could select photo 'A' and delete photo 'B' because I like photo 'A' more. But really, photo 'B' may be the 'better' picture. Thoughts like that cripple me.

Anyway, I'm down to 62 pictures. I need to delete 50 more. Sigh.

Did I mention they were nude photos?

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