So here we are. Again. Saying goodbye to one year and hello to another. And what a year it has been.
I went back and re-read last year’s end of year post. I said, and I quote…
“I want to hit 2012 full on, like a tonne of bricks. I don’t want to just slam into it, I want to knock it down, kick it in the junk, get in my car and back up over it. I want to OWN 2012.”
When I wrote that I wanted to knock 2012 down, I didn’t expect it to knock back. And that’s exactly what it did.
I lost my father in January. I knew going into 2012 that this was probably going to happen. It didn’t make it any easier. I don’t think I can say anything more about it on top of what I originally posted. Other than I miss him terribly. Every day. And I think of him. Every day.
My workload doubled. And it pretty much killed me. In fact, that’s still going on. And it’s making me question everything I do professionally. Whatever may come in 2013, I do know one thing… something will break. Something will need to change come hook or by crook. I’m in a non-sustainable position right now. Change can be exciting. However right now I’m having difficulty finding the excitement in my situation. This year more than any other in my life feels like I’m playing a chessboard. I’m trying to think strategically but find myself selecting paths that are simply less evil than others. The path to ‘Do’ and ‘Don’t’ are both prefaced with ‘Damned if you’.
If 2012 was the year of ‘Yes!’, then 2013 is going to be the year of ‘How is this going to make my life better?’ I started playing the guitar again. I joined a Created Writing group. I had to drop the latter because I couldn’t keep up and it was instilling more guilt than pleasure. We looked for a house. We found a real estate market that has left me so bitter for the city I live in that I’m not sure if it hasn’t turned me off of Vancouver forever. Instead of being in awe of my surroundings I now feel only resentment. I use to love the rain. Not so much anymore. I’m struggling to find the justification for spending $800k and a complete piece of crap in a city that barely lifts the bar on other places around the world. I’m trying… really hard. But I can’t seem to find any passion in my argument anymore.
We sold our Loft which was good! Except it was very hard to say goodbye. We’ve gone back to our original apartment downtown which is half the size. I’m enjoying being downtown but living in 600 square feet is proving to be a challenge. I am however very thankful for having this place to move into. And I do love Yaletown! Though we’ll never be able to afford anything larger than what we have. Downsizing our stuff and packing was about a 3 month ordeal.
We had a fantastic time traveling to Australia with my Mom and witnessing Rachel sister’s wedding. That was certainly the highlight of the year. It was wonderful getting to travel with my Mom. When we lived in Australia there were many times that I wished she was there to see things. And now I had the opportunity to show her. And she made a great travel companion.
The year was plagued with health issues for the family. Rachel’s Dad has been hit but working through treatment. It hasn’t been easy for him but he has tremendous strength. We also thought that this may be the year we lose her grandfather but he has made one of his miracle recoveries.
We’ve also faced our own health challenges this year but am very thankful that we’re both doing very well now in the health department… if perhaps a little bigger than we want/should be.
On the plus side, I did complete my first Project 52 where I took and posted one photo a week throughout the year. Its actually more challenging than it sounds. This may be the primary reason for my lack of blog posts. I was already uploading a picture of my life each week. There seemed to be little time and little to say after that. I haven’t decided of I’m going to try this again.
The year has also been plagued with horrific tragedy. None more significant than the shooting in Newtown. I so wanted to blog after what had occurred but I’m not sure what I could have said. I, like pretty much everyone with a moral compass were left in complete shock. It was days later that I came across this quote from Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers):
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”
So while the actions of one man can be reprehensible, they are the actions of one man. The number of the caring will always outweigh everyone else.
As 2012 is now over and we enter into the very unknown of 2013, I hope I can learn to be as optimistic as Mr. Rogers. I hope 2012 made me a wiser person. Oh please… I hope I’m wiser. Because if 2013 is anything like 2012, I’m going to need all the help I can get.